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Dr. Randy Gilchrist

Positive Role Models


One of the biggest challenges for relationships today is the lack of positive marriage and relationship role models. Too often we see friends, family, and coworkers complaining about their significant other, getting separations and divorces, and overall being unhappy. We see TV and movies showing the same things: arguing, contention, resentments, break ups, infidelity, and on and on. It is no wonder that people have largely lost faith and confidence in relationships and marriage success today. When most of what you are seeing and hearing about are problems and failure with relationships, this is the understandable, natural result. Therefore, in order to battle against these influences, strategically looking for and trying to emulate positive, successful role models of relationship success becomes very important. So, where can you look to for examples of relationship health, happiness, and success? Here are a few sources to consider: Positive Relationship Role Models: *Family: do you have any family members who have been able to marry, stay together, and be decently happy? Parents? Siblings? Grandparents? Aunts, uncles, or cousins? Scan through the different marriages in your family tree. Who has the healthiest one? Why is it healthy? Observe, take notes, commit to replicate this. Call them or write to them and ask questions. Ask for their advice. Family is the first place to look. *Friends: do you have any current or former friends that are in a happy, lasting marriage? Why? What do you observe? What have they told you are their “secrets to success”? If your friends are more from an earlier time in your life and you have drifted apart, get back in touch with them, such as through social media. Ask them what helps to make their marriage so good and strong. Note anything that stands out and look to incorporate that into your life. *Coworkers: whether your fellow coworkers are above your level, at your level, or at a lower level in the business, any of them can potentially have a strong, healthy, happy marriage you can learn from. Observe. Befriend them to whatever level you reasonably can. Tactfully ask for ideas and suggestions for marital success. Keep your conversations with them appropriate, but find out what you need to know, nevertheless. The advantage of coworkers is that you will be spending a lot of current time with them, so they can be valuable resources.

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