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Libido Problems in Marriage

In previous articles I have discussed sex life related topics for single members as an effort to help everyone in preparation for their future marriage. Why? Because sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction is a common, damaging problem and challenge among married couples in the church. I have discussed the common topic and challenge of sexual hangups (, sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction in marriage (, and a general two-part review of sex lives in general as well ( and Feel free to read all of these articles too at a later time. I wanted to now add this article here to the collection that reviews a number of common causes of libido problems among men and women. When one spouse has notable libido problems, friction, frustration, and resentment will commonly follow. When both sides have libido problems, the marriage suffers from this important bonding activity being rare or even going missing in the marriage. Distance commonly follows and perhaps eventually, the entire relationship can be lost. A healthy sex life is very important in marriage. Therefore, when libido problems exist in a marriage, it is important to communicate about this and find effective solutions to overcome this problem. Common Libido Problems for Both Men and Women: Either men or women can suffer lowered libido from any of these common issues and challenges: A) Stress—the pressures, expectations, obligations, and responsibilities of family life can take a toll. Common life stressors include career, children, church duties, bills, and any number of other things to take care of in life. The more concerned about and worn-down spouses are from stress, the less in the mood they will tend to be. Possible solutions: listening to a stress related hypnosis audio session, doing a relaxation workbook, or drinking some stress tea. Resources: --Hypnosis: --The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook by Davis, Eshelman, and McKay --Organic Stress Ease Tea by Traditional Medicinals B) Fatigue—having low energy levels. Often fatigue comes in conjunction with stress, but perhaps from depression, physical challenges, or other issues. The more tired a spouse is in general, the less in the mood they will be for sex and having and maintaining a regular sex life. Possible solutions to combat fatigue include eating better, getting regular exercise, and developing a better sleep schedule. In addition, if the fatigue is connected to depression, address the depression with a licensed psychotherapist. Beware that many antidepressant medications and other medications in general may cause libido issues. Discuss this with your doctor. Look for possible alternative medications or nutritional supplements as an alternative when this is the case. C) Hormones—when spouses have low or otherwise imbalanced sex related hormone levels (of testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, etc.), this may lower libido. Possible solutions for hormonal issues include eating, sleeping, and exercise improvements, energizing supplements, certain hormone prescriptions, and/or possible bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. D) Unresolved Marital Issues—if you are holding onto notable resentment towards the other spouse and/or there is some issue that still needs to be worked out between a couple, a lowered libido can result. “Make up sex” usually happens best only after the issues are talked out and decently resolved, rarely if ever before. Possible solutions—talk it out, compromise, apologize, make amends. If needed, get a mediator and even a couples therapist when you cannot manage to work out the issues yourself first. Common Additional Libido Problems for Men: *Rejection—in most marriages (but not all), men are the ones who mainly initiate sex. So, if he is the main initiator and he is often rejected and told no when he tries to initiate, he may feel snake bitten and will lessen or even stop initiating sex altogether.

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