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Deal Breakers

As you are dating and getting to know someone, there are positive things you are hoping are there with the other, and there are other negative things you hope are not there with them. “Deal breakers” can be thought of as certain negative attributes possessed by the other person to a degree that leads you decide this will not be your future spouse. Some deal breakers are bad enough to conclude right there are then to stop dating the other person immediately. What exactly constitutes a deal breaker is an individual decision. This article will review some potential deal breakers to be aware. If the deal breaker is not excessive, perhaps the issue can be discussed, worked on, and improved enough to salvage and continue the relationship. Otherwise, such deal breakers mark the reality that the relationship will soon be over.

Potential Deal Breakers:

  • A past criminal history. True, people can change and improve. However, if a person has had a criminal record, this may lead you to second guess whether or not to continue. Some examples may include past time spent in prison, violence, arson, experience as a drug dealer, stealing, etc. At the very least, people who have had criminal problems should made it clear what they have done to change their ways.

  • Pedophilia or a past history as a child abuser. Those with a history or physical or sexual abuse of children tend to have a high recidivism rate where they usually return to their habits. This is especially true of sexual abusers. The difficult truth is that when adults have engaged in abuse of children, they are far more likely across the board to repeat such behaviors in the future. This is a very likely deal breaker

  • Domestic violence. If the other has been physically violent with an ex—or even worse—has crossed that line with you, this well could make for an immediate deal breaker. Of course, the nature and extent of this violence matters, especially if it was in self-defense vs. an outright assault on the other person. Also, was it a one-time situation or a repetitive pattern? Note: verbal/emotional abuse at a high and repetitive level can also be considered a form of domestic violence. For more information on abusive actions/tactics in a relationship that may be deal breakers, see:

  • Sexual Assault. If this individual has initiated a sexual assault/rape on another other person through physical force or threat, this could be a deal break. If the assault was towards you, this very well could be an immediate deal breaker. Like with the other points in this article, the nature, circumstances, and extent of the problem matters. In my opinion, there is no room or excuse for either domestic violence or sexual assault in any relationship.

  • Addiction issues. Addictions are common deal breakers: drugs, alcohol, sexually acting out, gambling, and other addictions can potentially signify the imminent end of a relationship. When a person has notable, highly problematic addictions, the addiction often takes priority over the other partner, work, church, kids, and other important areas of life. Some people with addictions may not be ready and able to participate in a healthy relationship.

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