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The Main Thing Women Want


In one of my first articles for LDS Dimension/LDS Dating, I wrote an article titled, “What Women Want." This information and these ideas were based upon a combination of my training, education, and clinical experience as a psychologist with women, men, and couples. I’m sure my own personal experiences added to these ideas as well. In that original article, I stated that the main thing women want and need in a relationship—in my understanding/opinion—is “to be the number 1 priority over other people, interests, and obligations”. In short, women want to be #1 in general, period. In my years of experience, I have never seen anything different than this idea reveal itself on the subject over time and across situations, although there are many different ways to say essentially this same idea and concept. For instance, a woman saying things like that “she just wants to be loved, cherished, cared for”, etc., are still all different ways of saying the same idea that she wants to be number 1, and that others aren’t to be put above her if she is going to be happy.


Occasionally (although rarely) over the years when this #1 priority theory has come out in my sessions, I have had some women want to dispute the idea. Perhaps saying such a bold statement that women want to be #1 that bluntly may feel a bit much for some. Still, when I then ask who she would be OK being over her as his top priority—perhaps his mother, sister, or daughter—women then ultimately agree with my original assertion. They may just reframe the same idea in different words, but the idea is essentially the same.


Theory—Why Women Want to Be #1:


Evolutionary psychology is a branch of psychology putting forth the idea/theory that certain instincts and behaviors are inherited and repeat with us as people over time because these tendencies served as effective ancient survival tactics. Therefore, how we naturally tend to think, feel, and act promote not only surviving, but also the successful acts of reproduction and support of the children as well. In the case of women wanting to be and pushing to be #1, the theory is essentially this: women who were able to successfully be treated as the #1 person in the man’s life throughout time were far more likely to have him consistently act as a successful, reliable provider and protector for her. This supported not only her own survival, but also the survival and health on her children as well. In short, women who were treated as #1 by him survived far better and more often than women (and children) without such a man in their lives.


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